It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We don't watch enough power rangers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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