You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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