Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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