I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
