Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
