Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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