Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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