I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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