dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
