um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
