My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
