I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
