I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
