I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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