If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
