She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
