you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize