I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
