She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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