Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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