Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
