I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
