what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize