Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
