he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You pole danced in your parka.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
