I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
