can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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