i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
