So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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