do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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