A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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