I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize