we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
