3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
