She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
