Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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