I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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