my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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