We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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