If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
