i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
