Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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