that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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