Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
