All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
