Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
