i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
