party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
