So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
