Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
