For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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