wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
