took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
