dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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