My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
