suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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