Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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