I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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