If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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