Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
