Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
