Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
