All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
