For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize