We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My pussy is not your playground.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
