he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
