I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize