Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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