i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
