You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
